I didn't expect to feel quite so bad after the death of Sammy. He was old and it was time. But grief cannot be rationalised away, it demands attention, following me around like that beautiful big old black dog.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Grief
Loss chases me around and leaves me bereft in the most unexpected places. I cried leaving the house because I no longer have to shut the gate. The little Bowerbird suggested getting a bone for Sammy at the supermarket, and she had to be reminded that he was gone. There are food scraps left on the floor that he would have enthusiastically licked up. There are his doggy things that we are yet to figure out what to do with. There are the spaces he loved to lie. There is his dinner time. There is the telling others that he is gone. There are the quiet moments before sleep when memories come bounding in. They are beautiful memories, but they leave an ache.
I didn't expect to feel quite so bad after the death of Sammy. He was old and it was time. But grief cannot be rationalised away, it demands attention, following me around like that beautiful big old black dog.
Thankyou for all your kind, thoughtful comments. I know time will leave me with happier feelings. Taking my sadness to the garden, the best sort of therapy.
I didn't expect to feel quite so bad after the death of Sammy. He was old and it was time. But grief cannot be rationalised away, it demands attention, following me around like that beautiful big old black dog.
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They leave such a big hole when they go don't they? About a year after I lost a very sweet kitty named Daisy... I was down to one cat at that point - anyhow, CatMan and I decided to have some tuna melt sandwiches, which we hadn't eaten for some time.
ReplyDeleteThe cats all LOVE tuna, so I was in the habit of giving each one a little "tuna treat" whenever I made tuna. I must have been running on auto-pilot because I got out two kitty bowls, forgetting that she was gone - and then I just stood there in the kitchen crying. That was nearly 7 years ago, and it still brings a tear to my eye thinking about it.
It's just the silliest things that get you. I even miss the annoying stuff, like the crazy panting, nagging for dinner. I bet Daisy was gorgeous.
DeleteYup, somehow the crazy annoying stuff is really hard to get over. I had a cat once who liked to sleep on my head. I battled with her for years but finally just gave up and learned to deal with it. After she died, I couldn't sleep for missing her little paws sticking in my ears at night.
DeleteOh Kirsty, I know those feelings all too well, it is so hard. Grief comes in waves which over time, thankfully, become less intense. Talking about him with the rest of the family who loved him too, helps.
ReplyDeletesuch a harsh reality of life, you never really get use to it, I agree talking is helpful.
DeleteOh Kirsty it is so hard to no longer have such a loved family member with you. I find myself expecting to see Tiffany sitting on the porch waiting for me, when I think of her it upsets me dearly I just try to remember she must be happy and at peace. Take care Kirsty I hope that start to feel better soon. xx
ReplyDeleteThanks for the well wishes Catherine, I know the grief will pass, just wish it had an off button.
DeleteSpecial friends leave big holes. It will take a while but in the meantime (if you can) enjoy the memories.
ReplyDeleteA bit choked up when thinking about him right now, but they are not bad tears. To have loved a pet and enjoyed their company for so many years is such a privilege.
DeleteOh Kirsty, beautifully written. I know how you must be feeling. When my dog died, I wanted to buy a new car, because everytime I looked at it, I could only think of him in it.
ReplyDeleteHope the garden brings you some respite. Time is a great healer too. cheers Wendy
Thanks Wendy, I do find the garden a great comfort, although I miss my outdoor companion.
DeleteI cannot imagine loosing our dog Jessie and she has only been with us for 2 years. Sending lots of love you way.
ReplyDeleteOh I think losing a dog you have fallen in love with would be hard at any time, they weave their way into our hearts very quickly. Thanks for the love Fiona.
DeleteSo sorry to read about the loss of your family friend Kirsty....we lost one of our dogs to a tick a few years back and it still hurts at times...every now and then i come across her collar (that we decided to keep) and it takes me back in time.It does become easier to just think of the happier times without the grief though....in the meantime...sending many hugs your way xx
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