Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Dear Wisteria

Dear Wisteria, 
Could you please stop growing? The gutters do not need your shade, and I do not need the extra work of climbing ladders to give you a haircut. You had a good trim a month ago and now you look like Cousin It.  In addition, could you also please leave the neighbouring plants alone, have you not  heard about personal space? I don't think the Camelia appreciates your arms around it's neck, and the Lilac looks grumpy with your elbows on it's head. I'm not sure if you've noticed but the supports that hold you are getting rather rotten - you are way too heavy for them in your current state. Please stop treating our verandah like a trampoline, it's likely to crumple. Do you know we live a bushfire prone area? Perhaps you could also stop leaving your dry leafy, twiggy mess and poisonous seeds everywhere. It is nice to keep your room tidy and we have a toddler in the house.
Thankyou for your assistance,
The Bowerbirds.
P.S. We do really love the dense full shade you give us in summer, and of course your lilac and white flowers are exquisite in every way.


  1. Hmmm, i was thinking about getting a wisteria but might rethink that plan, hehe

  2. Oh I love Wisteria, it's so pretty climbing over everything. BUT, I have never grown it so I really can't comment now can I. Sounds like it can be a bit of a pest! What will you do, Keep it or Chop it?

  3. Dear wisteria owner. I may posses all,of those shortcomings, however who can better me in the abundance of mauve flowers that I offer you in spring. Everyone has a few faults. Love from your wisteria

  4. Ah Jode, think long tall metal hoop in the middle of the lawn - all the joy without the pain.

    Gooseberry Jam, it's not ours to get rid of so it's here to stay. Not sure I would get rid of it given the choice - it's summer shade is awesome and cools our house significantly. Theres about 6 ancient plants so it would be a huge and unpleasant removal job.

    Yay mum, you mastered the comment

    Wisteria, so sorry to speak ill of you. The sweet waft of your magnificent pendulous flowers, humming with bees is the very essence of spring, what else could herald the end of winter in a more romantic way?

  5. Everything is so brown here (not even a trace of snow this year) what I wouldn't give to smell a hint of Wisteria! :)


In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.
Margaret Atwood

“She turned to the sunlight
And shook her yellow head,
And whispered to her neighbour:
"Winter is dead.”
― A.A. Milne, When We Were Very Young